Pop quiz time - What politician is the following remark (scraped from a friend's Facebook page) about?
"I am so sick of that woman - have been for months now. What did she do now?"
OK, so you really should not gloat about getting that one right. (If you did not get that one, however, then ..ahem.. well, living under a rock is not for everyone, but more power to you). So of course, I'm talking bout Sarah Palin and yes, following in the footsteps of most national news magazines and cable channels, I am devoting an entire post on my blog to her.
Despite the amazing success of her book, there is the real danger that Palin is close to jumping the shark. Like the Gosselins and Octomom and Sanford, once the book is replaced on the bestseller list or the next lying/cheating politician/sports star is discovered, she could find herself looking for ways to prolong those 15 seconds of fickle fame.
And that, actually, is the purpose of this article. To suggest a plausible, lucrative avenue of fame and fortune for Sarah Palin, which, as we say in the corporate world, would be a great fit for her strengths and talents. The question is simple - "Sarah, have you considered Bollywood?" Yes, Bollywood - the Indian movie industry, for the benefit of the under-rock dwellers that are reading this. Even as I write this, I cannot believe that there is not a proposal to the same effect being considered in the Palin household right now. Remember you heard it here first - remember that because it is going to happen and when you hear the news, I want you to recall where you first heard the genius plan. In case you doubt the logic of the plan, let me lay out for you why this makes perfect sense.
1. Alternate reality, no problem! - The problem that most people (the ones I know, at least) have with poor Palin is the sheer ridiculousness of her statements and assertions. You know, the Bridge to Nowhere, the Troopergate explanations, blah, blah. All those issues where people demand a sane, reasoned explanation of facts, like that other guy - the President of the USA, likes to present. So just because she does not do that, people tend to dismiss her, call her ...well, names and mock her. None of this, NONE of this will be a problem in Bollywood. We Hindi movie watchers have grown used to a world where inconvenient realities are simply dismissed and replaced with fantastical notions. We suspend rational thought and objective questioning everytime we walk into a darkened theater for our next dose of dream sequences, song and dance routines, 40 year olds playing college students and our beloved heroes bashing a team of muscled bad guys - while having a few bullets in their bodies. All we ask of our lead actors is for them to look good (check), invoke mass hysteria (check) and stay in the news (check). So, does it not sound like the perfect situation for Ms Palin? She would fit right in - she could go right on being the star - swooping in and saving the masses from the cruel excesses of....well, I'm sure the script writers will find something to plagiarize and "adapt".
2. Irrelevant - no problem! - As Denise Richards, Kylie Minogue and Sylvester Stallone have discovered, when you become irrelevant in the Western world, you pack your bags and flash some white skin and your foreign accent on the desi scene - voila, instant moolah and adulation. The Indian movie industry will open its arms to any white "has-been" or "wants to be" and luckily for Sarah, she could be either or both!
Bearing out the truth of points 1 &2 above, here is a video of Kylie Minogue in a recent Bollywood production proclaiming she wants to "Chiggy Wiggy with you boy". Hey, I don't know what that means either - it's not going to stop me from watching the movie and buying the song on iTunes.
More logical reasoning in the Sarah for Bollywood campaign after the jump
3. International relations - President Obama just hosted the first state dinner for Indian Prime Minister, Dr. Manmohan Singh. The entire world is scrambling to get in on a piece of India's rapid growth. Wouldn't this be a perfect opportunity for the possible future Presidential candidate to get some valuable experience on foreign shores? Ones that, in fact, she cannot see from her front porch? Think about it, she could also be inspiring her most rabid supporters to opening up their minds to other cultures. She could be building a bridge - this time it would lead somewhere. A bridge from Minnesota to Mumbai, from Kansas to Kolkata. The horizons that it would expand, the people it would connect! It could be a beautiful thing - you betcha! And as Barack has already proved, being an international rock star only helps political careers these days.
So there it is - it all makes perfect sense to me. I hope you are listening Sarah. And, no - its not a ploy to get you off the national news circuit here in America. This is an earnest appeal for you to expand your horizons and add to your list of blockbuster achievements - Going Rogue would make a good foundation for Bollywood's first female superhero thriller. Consider it, please!
In case you decide to pursue this, I'll leave you with a helpful guide to Bollywood, courtesy of IFC.com
http://www.ifc.com/news/bollywood/starter-kit.php
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
To New York and back.
Last week, I went on a business trip to New York. I was attending a conference there - and I think its fair to say that I have never awaited ANY conference as eagerly as I did this one. While I am excited and passionate about Digital Marketing, the prospect of heading to New York was equally (ok, a little more - oh all right, it was a lot more) exciting than the conference itself.
The day before I was supposed to leave though, I started to have this nasty sinking feeling I get anytime I am getting on a plane without my kids. "How," I wondered, "will they cope without me?" ignoring the fact that they would have the undivided attention of their Dadddy - unimaginable luxury!! "But I am the constant in their routines, with Dad travelling so much. It will be worse for me to be gone," I couldn't stop torturing myself.
I went - and sulked some more - at myself, for being so far away. But then, I was in Manhattan. I checked into the hotel and stepped outside. The hotel was a few blocks from Time & LIfe building - my former workplace. So there I was, back in my old neck of the woods. Very soon, I was part of the crowd, merrily jostling away - hurrying to get wherever it was I was going - even if, that particualr day, it was nowhere in particular. I crossed the street as soon as I spotted a gap in the traffic - never mind the stop hand sign - I squeezed in the narrowest opening between crowds of people and shook my head in loud impatience when the two ladies in front of me paused to admire Rockerfeller center. "Tourists" - I almost, just **almost** muttered under my breath.
The next few days were great. The kids did miss me and it was hard for me to hear thier voices and imagine them being home without me. But then, I figured, "I'm here - I better make it worth it." The conference was great - a new perspective on how the world is thinking about what I do, catching up with trends, listening to the experts and chatting with new people I met. It reaffirmed my faith in what I do, reassured me that my skills were current and reenergized me to shore up on the areas I wasn't too familiar with. In the evening, I went to dinner with friends or even by myself - choosing from the fabulous array of cuisines and styles that only New York has to offer. I walked everywhere - taking in the sights, the smells - I had forgotten the smell of street food and the undescribable blend of metal, trash and god knows what else that combines in the subway stations. I soaked in the sheer excitement and energy while also at times, watching from afar - I had been here a few years ago, running like the crowds now were, falling asleep on the train, exhausted from my crazy commute and insane schedule. I had been here and it took me about 30 minutes to get adjusted. How dramatic all this must seem to someone who came here as a tourist. I understtod, for the first time, all the things people always said when I told them I lived in New York and loved it. At times, I felt sorry I had left. I had broken from the constantly surging crowd - Now, I felt, I was out of the game - my life felt staid, composed and frankly, a little boring.
The morning when I was supposed to leave, I spent a tad too much time shopping with friends and was running behind as we ran to the subway. "Hey, just get on the next flight if you miss this one - more time in NY!" laughed a friend. The mere thought made me tense up. I made it on time - to the airport and to the plane. A long flight later, as we touched down in Seattle, I broke into a run as I exited the plane. I couldn't wait to see my family again.
So, of course, home is where the heart is. Amazing how profound these cliches feel when you arrive at the realization yourself. Good friends, a great job, a warm house and yes, no sprinkler for the lawn. Seattle is home for now - dont know how long. Permanent migrants is the term P has coined for us - always looking ahead to what's next. Maybe back to New York, maybe even further back to India, maybe we'll head forward somewhere completely new. Who knows - I thought as I spotted the two heads bobbing up and down in excitement as they saw me exiting the airport. "What did you get for us, Mommy? What did you get?" "I brought myself back," I grinned at them.
The day before I was supposed to leave though, I started to have this nasty sinking feeling I get anytime I am getting on a plane without my kids. "How," I wondered, "will they cope without me?" ignoring the fact that they would have the undivided attention of their Dadddy - unimaginable luxury!! "But I am the constant in their routines, with Dad travelling so much. It will be worse for me to be gone," I couldn't stop torturing myself.
I went - and sulked some more - at myself, for being so far away. But then, I was in Manhattan. I checked into the hotel and stepped outside. The hotel was a few blocks from Time & LIfe building - my former workplace. So there I was, back in my old neck of the woods. Very soon, I was part of the crowd, merrily jostling away - hurrying to get wherever it was I was going - even if, that particualr day, it was nowhere in particular. I crossed the street as soon as I spotted a gap in the traffic - never mind the stop hand sign - I squeezed in the narrowest opening between crowds of people and shook my head in loud impatience when the two ladies in front of me paused to admire Rockerfeller center. "Tourists" - I almost, just **almost** muttered under my breath.
The next few days were great. The kids did miss me and it was hard for me to hear thier voices and imagine them being home without me. But then, I figured, "I'm here - I better make it worth it." The conference was great - a new perspective on how the world is thinking about what I do, catching up with trends, listening to the experts and chatting with new people I met. It reaffirmed my faith in what I do, reassured me that my skills were current and reenergized me to shore up on the areas I wasn't too familiar with. In the evening, I went to dinner with friends or even by myself - choosing from the fabulous array of cuisines and styles that only New York has to offer. I walked everywhere - taking in the sights, the smells - I had forgotten the smell of street food and the undescribable blend of metal, trash and god knows what else that combines in the subway stations. I soaked in the sheer excitement and energy while also at times, watching from afar - I had been here a few years ago, running like the crowds now were, falling asleep on the train, exhausted from my crazy commute and insane schedule. I had been here and it took me about 30 minutes to get adjusted. How dramatic all this must seem to someone who came here as a tourist. I understtod, for the first time, all the things people always said when I told them I lived in New York and loved it. At times, I felt sorry I had left. I had broken from the constantly surging crowd - Now, I felt, I was out of the game - my life felt staid, composed and frankly, a little boring.
The morning when I was supposed to leave, I spent a tad too much time shopping with friends and was running behind as we ran to the subway. "Hey, just get on the next flight if you miss this one - more time in NY!" laughed a friend. The mere thought made me tense up. I made it on time - to the airport and to the plane. A long flight later, as we touched down in Seattle, I broke into a run as I exited the plane. I couldn't wait to see my family again.
So, of course, home is where the heart is. Amazing how profound these cliches feel when you arrive at the realization yourself. Good friends, a great job, a warm house and yes, no sprinkler for the lawn. Seattle is home for now - dont know how long. Permanent migrants is the term P has coined for us - always looking ahead to what's next. Maybe back to New York, maybe even further back to India, maybe we'll head forward somewhere completely new. Who knows - I thought as I spotted the two heads bobbing up and down in excitement as they saw me exiting the airport. "What did you get for us, Mommy? What did you get?" "I brought myself back," I grinned at them.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Ambiguous times call for firm measures
"Must be able to deal with ambiguity"....almost all job descriptions at Microsoft have that pre-qualification clause. I've never paid much attention to it - of course, I can deal with ambiguity.... for the right job. I mean, c'mon..what does that even mean?
Once I interviewed for a job where they asked me, "Are you comfortable with change?"
"Well, considering I have never lived in a place longer than 3 years for my entire life, I would say - Yes, I am quite comfortable with change." What I didn't say was, "I'm working on getting more comfortable with non-change." When things stay the same and nothing is changing, THAT is what drives me a little nuts. So maybe, by nature, some of us are more tuned to thriving in chaos..I've always enjoyed the novelty of a new setting and the challenge of creating order out of craziness. I do realize its not everyone's cup of tea..just had a conversation with a friend who was pulling his hair out in the midst of such a situation. Made me think - when things are a mess..stuff is happening and you don't know what to do or how it's all going to play out, what do you do? How do you take things in stride and keep doing your thing? How do you not let stuff drive you crazy? Here are some things that have worked for me in the past
1. Work in the universe I control - there are things you can influence and things you cannot. Staying within the realm of controllable and doing the best you can do there is the first thing to do. Actually, before you can stay in that universe, you identify that space. at work, especially, I have a tendency to get carried away and imagine doomsday scenarios. Everytime I find myself going there, I rein in the thoughts and ask myself - What about this, can I control? Can I do a better job in that sphere?" And then I redouble my efforts in that area, fortify myself against all eventualities and then let life (and upper management) do its thing. Sounds fair - right?
2. GGet all the information - Faced with the prospect of a re-org at work, I'm talking to a lot of people - including up and down my direct chain of command. They don't have all the answers - or perhaps they just want to share just yet, but having done my research - putting my questions, my preferences and my fears out there helps me relax. I'm also looking at other groups and observing what they do. In my spare time, I write out how I could work with X group - what would I be able to add to them, what skills could I apply?
3.Build Lists- I love lists...I plan and dream in lists. So when I am not sure what I am supposed to do next or I have a million things in my head, I write stuff down in a list. We're planning to trip soon - its going to cost a lot of money but there has been a new development in the family which means we might not be able to take the trip. We talked about it everyday and tried to move forward but every time we talked, we left it off somewhere unresolved because there was so much we don't know yet. So at night, before falling asleep, I wrote in my little notebook. What are the all the things I need to do if we are going - Buy tickets, Get Vacation time, Inform the kids Schools, Get work projects done by a certain date, Inform a friend that we would not be able to go their wedding. I marked each item on the list with what was "reversible" - if I informed my boss I needed time off and told him there was a chance I wouldn't go, that would be OK. Same for the kids' school and so on. Nothing really changes but having that written down and having drop dead dates for getting everything done in either case gives me a plan and a plan gives me comfort. I know - I'm a little neurotic that way.
5. Write The Plan - One step up from the list is the plan - the roadmap. Its a work tool that I shamefacedly admit, I have used for home - but I have not yet created a PowerPoint deck for a family presentation. I am,however, creating a powerpoint deck for work. As I expand my scope of work and take on more things to do, it sometimes get distracting to know exactly what I need to focus on and what I am missing. So I'm creating a step by step look at what I do, how I do it , who will help me and what I need to get done in the next month, quarter and so on. Just starting the work on that already helps calm the feeling of not being sure where I am supposed to be next.
6. One step at a time - The day tight compartment thing is the hardest for me to do - I am constantly drifting between wallowing in the past or creating future castles in the air. Not knowing what the future looks like can be a shaky foundation for those castles - and when I can't dream, I am miserable. In such time, I focus myself on building smaller castles. When we moved from New Jersey to Seattle and lived in corporate housing for a while, it was hard not knowing where we would be living, how our lives were going to fall in place. I focused then on small conquests - my goal each day was to do a little research on a town or neighborhood, another day it was to explore the area where we were living, another day I focused on getting something done at work - all small victories that I could check off my list and feel like I was in control
7. Treat myself - After I've used all my mind control to make sense of nonsense, I love to get a cup of coffee or whatever your guilty pleasure is and watch something fun/silly/absorbing on TV. Mad Men makes me forget the chaos of life - works every time - I promise!
Once I interviewed for a job where they asked me, "Are you comfortable with change?"
"Well, considering I have never lived in a place longer than 3 years for my entire life, I would say - Yes, I am quite comfortable with change." What I didn't say was, "I'm working on getting more comfortable with non-change." When things stay the same and nothing is changing, THAT is what drives me a little nuts. So maybe, by nature, some of us are more tuned to thriving in chaos..I've always enjoyed the novelty of a new setting and the challenge of creating order out of craziness. I do realize its not everyone's cup of tea..just had a conversation with a friend who was pulling his hair out in the midst of such a situation. Made me think - when things are a mess..stuff is happening and you don't know what to do or how it's all going to play out, what do you do? How do you take things in stride and keep doing your thing? How do you not let stuff drive you crazy? Here are some things that have worked for me in the past
1. Work in the universe I control - there are things you can influence and things you cannot. Staying within the realm of controllable and doing the best you can do there is the first thing to do. Actually, before you can stay in that universe, you identify that space. at work, especially, I have a tendency to get carried away and imagine doomsday scenarios. Everytime I find myself going there, I rein in the thoughts and ask myself - What about this, can I control? Can I do a better job in that sphere?" And then I redouble my efforts in that area, fortify myself against all eventualities and then let life (and upper management) do its thing. Sounds fair - right?
2. GGet all the information - Faced with the prospect of a re-org at work, I'm talking to a lot of people - including up and down my direct chain of command. They don't have all the answers - or perhaps they just want to share just yet, but having done my research - putting my questions, my preferences and my fears out there helps me relax. I'm also looking at other groups and observing what they do. In my spare time, I write out how I could work with X group - what would I be able to add to them, what skills could I apply?
3.Build Lists- I love lists...I plan and dream in lists. So when I am not sure what I am supposed to do next or I have a million things in my head, I write stuff down in a list. We're planning to trip soon - its going to cost a lot of money but there has been a new development in the family which means we might not be able to take the trip. We talked about it everyday and tried to move forward but every time we talked, we left it off somewhere unresolved because there was so much we don't know yet. So at night, before falling asleep, I wrote in my little notebook. What are the all the things I need to do if we are going - Buy tickets, Get Vacation time, Inform the kids Schools, Get work projects done by a certain date, Inform a friend that we would not be able to go their wedding. I marked each item on the list with what was "reversible" - if I informed my boss I needed time off and told him there was a chance I wouldn't go, that would be OK. Same for the kids' school and so on. Nothing really changes but having that written down and having drop dead dates for getting everything done in either case gives me a plan and a plan gives me comfort. I know - I'm a little neurotic that way.
5. Write The Plan - One step up from the list is the plan - the roadmap. Its a work tool that I shamefacedly admit, I have used for home - but I have not yet created a PowerPoint deck for a family presentation. I am,however, creating a powerpoint deck for work. As I expand my scope of work and take on more things to do, it sometimes get distracting to know exactly what I need to focus on and what I am missing. So I'm creating a step by step look at what I do, how I do it , who will help me and what I need to get done in the next month, quarter and so on. Just starting the work on that already helps calm the feeling of not being sure where I am supposed to be next.
6. One step at a time - The day tight compartment thing is the hardest for me to do - I am constantly drifting between wallowing in the past or creating future castles in the air. Not knowing what the future looks like can be a shaky foundation for those castles - and when I can't dream, I am miserable. In such time, I focus myself on building smaller castles. When we moved from New Jersey to Seattle and lived in corporate housing for a while, it was hard not knowing where we would be living, how our lives were going to fall in place. I focused then on small conquests - my goal each day was to do a little research on a town or neighborhood, another day it was to explore the area where we were living, another day I focused on getting something done at work - all small victories that I could check off my list and feel like I was in control
7. Treat myself - After I've used all my mind control to make sense of nonsense, I love to get a cup of coffee or whatever your guilty pleasure is and watch something fun/silly/absorbing on TV. Mad Men makes me forget the chaos of life - works every time - I promise!
Sunday, September 27, 2009
The postracial world of .....TV Commercials?
Racism...its not a topic I had thought of too much before I came to America. Once here, of course, it has become central to my life. The fact that I am different was obvious and also thrust on me from multiple sources. Nothing is black and white (well, actuallty it is - and that's the point of this - but I really wasn't going there - just a bad pun!) anymore. For every action and reaction, I wonder - how much of this was spurred by the fact that I am Indian?
Early days in New York, I remember going to a salon on Long Island to get my hair blown out. The ladies at the salon raved about my "thick, dark, beautiful" hair. It had been no cause for celebration in India where thick, dark hair abounded and was mroe of a nuisance than an asset. Innocent remarks were sometimes funny as in when an older colleague at IBM asked me, "So, how do you celebrate birthdays in India?". "We cut a cake and sing Happy Birthday," I responded, unable to suppress a sarcastic smile. Once I moved to New York City, things were a little better - or maybe we just got used to being a minority. 9/11 was hard - not just because it was a traumatizing experience to watch as I walked the streets of New York while the planes were flying into the towers - but more because people actually suggested that we didn't feel the sadness and horror of the act because we were not the "targets" of the attack.
The move to Seattle has brought a fresh perspective to this ongoing debate in my head. Microsoft is a virtual microcosm of the world - not even in New York did I work with people from so many countries and backgrounds. But home is different - I live in an affluent suburb which still means - a mostly white suburb. While we definitely have made some very good friends in our neighborhood, there have been very ugly incidents which have made me think long and hard about what it means to live as a brown person in this society.
For a lot of the reasons above, I hailed and rejoiced in the election of President Obama. " What a great difference for all the balck people in this country," I remember thinking to myself, "to have a role model. To see this family in the White House." No matter what else happens, there is this person of color in the highest office of the land and that is something that has the power to inspire and motivate millions of young people, previously excluded from this conversation. I was exultant every time I watched the President and his family being fawned over. " I think we will apply to be citizens now," I emailed a friend as I watched the new first family on my TV.
Since then, I have heard lots of commentary on why the election of President Obama has not meant a post racial America. I agree, whole heartedly. However, there are subtle shifts - which is how, I think, change starts to brew. One trend I have noticed in that central pillar of the American capitalist structure - TV advertising. Commercials for household items like Tide, Cheerios, Campbell and NetFlix have been featuring black people - kids, fathers, grandfathers - as normal people with normal lives in normal houses. Just like the rest of the world. The Netflix guy even rides a bike in his leafy suburb. Of course, that has always been true - there is nothing new about the lives being depicted here. But, at least to me, the newness and power is in these images of normalcy finally being beamed down from TV sets across the country. These are normal people, folks - our neighbors. Nothing to fear. And that is a trend that I am celebrating and hoping to see more of. Now, if we could only stop seeing Indian characters with horribly pronounced accents. That would be a victory closer to home.
Watch the Cheerios ad below and click on over to youtube to watch the Tide Commercial. Tell me if there are others you see.
Early days in New York, I remember going to a salon on Long Island to get my hair blown out. The ladies at the salon raved about my "thick, dark, beautiful" hair. It had been no cause for celebration in India where thick, dark hair abounded and was mroe of a nuisance than an asset. Innocent remarks were sometimes funny as in when an older colleague at IBM asked me, "So, how do you celebrate birthdays in India?". "We cut a cake and sing Happy Birthday," I responded, unable to suppress a sarcastic smile. Once I moved to New York City, things were a little better - or maybe we just got used to being a minority. 9/11 was hard - not just because it was a traumatizing experience to watch as I walked the streets of New York while the planes were flying into the towers - but more because people actually suggested that we didn't feel the sadness and horror of the act because we were not the "targets" of the attack.
The move to Seattle has brought a fresh perspective to this ongoing debate in my head. Microsoft is a virtual microcosm of the world - not even in New York did I work with people from so many countries and backgrounds. But home is different - I live in an affluent suburb which still means - a mostly white suburb. While we definitely have made some very good friends in our neighborhood, there have been very ugly incidents which have made me think long and hard about what it means to live as a brown person in this society.
For a lot of the reasons above, I hailed and rejoiced in the election of President Obama. " What a great difference for all the balck people in this country," I remember thinking to myself, "to have a role model. To see this family in the White House." No matter what else happens, there is this person of color in the highest office of the land and that is something that has the power to inspire and motivate millions of young people, previously excluded from this conversation. I was exultant every time I watched the President and his family being fawned over. " I think we will apply to be citizens now," I emailed a friend as I watched the new first family on my TV.
Since then, I have heard lots of commentary on why the election of President Obama has not meant a post racial America. I agree, whole heartedly. However, there are subtle shifts - which is how, I think, change starts to brew. One trend I have noticed in that central pillar of the American capitalist structure - TV advertising. Commercials for household items like Tide, Cheerios, Campbell and NetFlix have been featuring black people - kids, fathers, grandfathers - as normal people with normal lives in normal houses. Just like the rest of the world. The Netflix guy even rides a bike in his leafy suburb. Of course, that has always been true - there is nothing new about the lives being depicted here. But, at least to me, the newness and power is in these images of normalcy finally being beamed down from TV sets across the country. These are normal people, folks - our neighbors. Nothing to fear. And that is a trend that I am celebrating and hoping to see more of. Now, if we could only stop seeing Indian characters with horribly pronounced accents. That would be a victory closer to home.
Watch the Cheerios ad below and click on over to youtube to watch the Tide Commercial. Tell me if there are others you see.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Getting it done...at what cost?
Wow! Whew! Repeat that a few times. What a few weeks this has been! Got done with the surgery and recovery and there I was, back in the wringer, being whipped around in a few different directions - simultaneously, for the most part. School started - A. is now in second grade - which means homework every night and questions - not necessarily academic - that are getting harder to handle and even harder to answer. At work, Windows 7 launch is right around the corner. Working at Microsoft in Windows is always fast paced but right about now, everything is stepped up a notch - make that 10 notches. Everytime I want to stop and take a breath - I remember a few things that need to get done. "Right after that," I tell myself, "right after that, I'll stop and put my feet up for a second." For instance, yesterday I was supposed to be at A.'s school for their walkathon fund raiser. I was up at 6AM to get work done so I could make the fundraiser. I made it there at 2 to walk laps around the school campus - but I had no time to eat lunch before then and felt faint after the first 3 rounds. I made it through - but barely. And then, at night, when I logged into Facebook - I saw this link posted by a friend.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/opinion/20dowd.html
I felt vindicated and sad at the same time as I read this through - everything that this article says about women and their position in soceity today, I said that about a 100 times to my husband and some friends. "Why did we have the feminism movement?" I keep asking him. Now, he just ignores the question since he knows what's coming right after that. But it is true - we created new areas for ourselves to judge ourselves and other women in, so we could do a better job of feeling bad about what we don't do. As my husband so eloquently marvelled the other day,"Wow! You feel guilty about so many things. It doesn't even enter my mind to think about half these things - let alone feel guilty." Hmmm.
I've thought this through a million times ..and counting. Where I always end up is here - As exhausting as my life is - it is also exhilirating and exciting. I love what I do - I have the grandest kids and husband in the world, bar none and all said and done, I like having a few balls in the air to juggle. Keeps me off the gossip! So then, I've asked myself the question which several people ask me - either with pity or with admiration - "How do you do it?" Here are the top things I could think of that keep things going and keep me sane - most of the time!
1. Be proud – First things first. I have to come out and say it – there is just too much guilt and working mommy bashing going around. I work really hard at keeping up with my job abd my family and I’m not about to let anyone make me feel bad about it. Actually, I’m proud of my life and that helps me to keep going every day. Whether you work for necessity, to pay the bills or or simply because you like to work, be proud of it. There is nothing wrong and everything right about showing your children that Mommy is contributing to the food they eat, the roof over their head, their college funds and that trip to DisneyLand. Or to show them that you can follow your passions and dreams and going to work every day at a job you love is a wonderful thing. There are a hundred different reasons why you work and instead of feeling guilty about it, celebrate those with your family every day. I’ve taken my kids to work, and I share with them my work events – nervousness around a big presentation, frustration that a project was not going well and we celebrate Mommy & Daddy’s successes at work – just like we celebrate their achievements at school or extracurricular activities.
2. Use your chores – The chronic complaint of time starved Moms is that they have no time to themselves. There is no time to relax or to sit back and take a breath. One of my close friends who is also a high level executive had this plaque on her desk – “2 things to do today – Breathe In, Breathe Out.” Sounds about right, doesn’t it? I’ve decided to not wait anymore for that perfect time when I will make arrangements for the kids to be cared for, find a time that works with my husband’s and my schedules, get dressed and get out of the house. Instead, I build in my relax time into chores I have to do. Once a week or so, after the kids are in bed, I bring down the laundry baskets, switch on the TV and settle down for a hour or two of laundry time while I catch up on some shows on TV. Similarly, when I’m going grocery shopping, I’ll get my iPod, if the weather is nice, I’ll roll down my car windows and make it a 45 minute getaway from the stuff that needs to get done at home. The Starbucks within the local QFC helps too – sometimes, I’ll grab a cup, buy a paper and get some reading done after I’m done with the shopping.
3. Give up on perfection – Being bombarded by ads and movies portraying idyllic families with hearty, healthy meals around the table, supermoms who have a solution to every family crisis and beautiful skin to top it all has left most of us feeling frustrated at the mundane nature of our imperfect lives. I made several plans and timetables to put the kids to bed and rouse them by a strict schedule so we could all sit around the table and have a family breakfast before we all headed to our destinations – with bright cheery smiles and pretty clothes. The reality is that most mornings, we are scrambling to get out of the house on time, I have to forcibly strap my daughter into her seat and I have a headache before I even get to work. But I’ve settled - I’ve settled for the fact that I get my kids to school on time and in one piece – my son had no tardies on his report card this semester - that’s enough for me to deserve a pat on the back. I’ve let the idea of a perfect morning go. My Achilles heel is the weekday morning – it could be any time of the day or week for you. If you can let go of that mental image of what bedtime or family time should look like, you might be able to breathe a bit and enjoy the time you do have together, imperfect as it may be. I have friends who have not been on vacation in years because they are scared to travel with babies on a plane – they stress over every detail. Why not just pack and go and take things as they come? Doesn’t stressing out so much over the planning sort of ruin the point of a stress free “perfect” time? Why not just accept that here we are – with a busy, full life and so much to be grateful for – if the kid throws a tantrum at a hotel, it will not be the end of the world. The world will deal with it, and so should we.
4. Lists are your friend – My husband likes to joke about my lists – he finds them everywhere around the house. On little scraps of paper or at the back of notebooks, even scribbled in the margins of calendars. There are the grocery lists, packing lists and shopping lists. But besides that, I make lists for tasks I need to do , bills I need to pay, people I need to call – even a list of things I need to make lists for. The feeling of checking things off as they get done gives me satisfaction and a sense that I’ve achieved something. Going down the list gives me a feeling of control over my usually chaotic day. When the kids are lethargic in getting their tasks done (everyday!), I quickly write out a list of tasks they need to do and that seems to spur them right along. My four year old cannot read yet but she asks me to read out each task to her and then loves to check it off as soon as she is done. I recommend lists to everyone – for getting a grasp on everything happening, for making sure things get done and just for the vindication of checking of the first or last item on any list.
5. Cultivate your network – This piece of advice is more personal and depends on your personality. Having grown up in a very social environment, I’ve always been used to having people around our house. Luckily, my husband and I both like to entertain, so almost every other weekend, we have a family or two over for dinner. It sounds like more work to spend your free time planning dinner parties, but for us, it really energizes us to see friends and spend a relaxed evening with them. Since most of our friends have children of similar ages as ours, it is a good time for them as well and helps them to build their friendships. When we are in need, it is these friends we turn to – if I am running late for a school pick up, if I need an emergency play date or a weekend evening out, these are the people that step in. So while we don’t make friends with an eye to using them, it’s definitely a more fulfilling and pleasant life with an active social calendar.
Above all the tricks of the trade, the biggest to-do is to slow down, relax and enjoy the many opportunities and blessings you have. It came to me one day as I was rushing to work after having a crazed morning getting the kids ready and dropped off. My husband too, had an early meeting, so we were both running as soon as we woke. As I walked along the office parking lot, I was resentful and fuming as I pitied myself over all that I had to do. And then I realized how lucky I was to be in a job where I was needed and wanted, to have these kids and to have a husband who was busy in a job he enjoyed. Just walking along the parking lot, I suddenly feeling lighter and happier and so can you . All it needs is a little shift in perspective and some good old lists.
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/opinion/20dowd.html
I felt vindicated and sad at the same time as I read this through - everything that this article says about women and their position in soceity today, I said that about a 100 times to my husband and some friends. "Why did we have the feminism movement?" I keep asking him. Now, he just ignores the question since he knows what's coming right after that. But it is true - we created new areas for ourselves to judge ourselves and other women in, so we could do a better job of feeling bad about what we don't do. As my husband so eloquently marvelled the other day,"Wow! You feel guilty about so many things. It doesn't even enter my mind to think about half these things - let alone feel guilty." Hmmm.
I've thought this through a million times ..and counting. Where I always end up is here - As exhausting as my life is - it is also exhilirating and exciting. I love what I do - I have the grandest kids and husband in the world, bar none and all said and done, I like having a few balls in the air to juggle. Keeps me off the gossip! So then, I've asked myself the question which several people ask me - either with pity or with admiration - "How do you do it?" Here are the top things I could think of that keep things going and keep me sane - most of the time!
1. Be proud – First things first. I have to come out and say it – there is just too much guilt and working mommy bashing going around. I work really hard at keeping up with my job abd my family and I’m not about to let anyone make me feel bad about it. Actually, I’m proud of my life and that helps me to keep going every day. Whether you work for necessity, to pay the bills or or simply because you like to work, be proud of it. There is nothing wrong and everything right about showing your children that Mommy is contributing to the food they eat, the roof over their head, their college funds and that trip to DisneyLand. Or to show them that you can follow your passions and dreams and going to work every day at a job you love is a wonderful thing. There are a hundred different reasons why you work and instead of feeling guilty about it, celebrate those with your family every day. I’ve taken my kids to work, and I share with them my work events – nervousness around a big presentation, frustration that a project was not going well and we celebrate Mommy & Daddy’s successes at work – just like we celebrate their achievements at school or extracurricular activities.
2. Use your chores – The chronic complaint of time starved Moms is that they have no time to themselves. There is no time to relax or to sit back and take a breath. One of my close friends who is also a high level executive had this plaque on her desk – “2 things to do today – Breathe In, Breathe Out.” Sounds about right, doesn’t it? I’ve decided to not wait anymore for that perfect time when I will make arrangements for the kids to be cared for, find a time that works with my husband’s and my schedules, get dressed and get out of the house. Instead, I build in my relax time into chores I have to do. Once a week or so, after the kids are in bed, I bring down the laundry baskets, switch on the TV and settle down for a hour or two of laundry time while I catch up on some shows on TV. Similarly, when I’m going grocery shopping, I’ll get my iPod, if the weather is nice, I’ll roll down my car windows and make it a 45 minute getaway from the stuff that needs to get done at home. The Starbucks within the local QFC helps too – sometimes, I’ll grab a cup, buy a paper and get some reading done after I’m done with the shopping.
3. Give up on perfection – Being bombarded by ads and movies portraying idyllic families with hearty, healthy meals around the table, supermoms who have a solution to every family crisis and beautiful skin to top it all has left most of us feeling frustrated at the mundane nature of our imperfect lives. I made several plans and timetables to put the kids to bed and rouse them by a strict schedule so we could all sit around the table and have a family breakfast before we all headed to our destinations – with bright cheery smiles and pretty clothes. The reality is that most mornings, we are scrambling to get out of the house on time, I have to forcibly strap my daughter into her seat and I have a headache before I even get to work. But I’ve settled - I’ve settled for the fact that I get my kids to school on time and in one piece – my son had no tardies on his report card this semester - that’s enough for me to deserve a pat on the back. I’ve let the idea of a perfect morning go. My Achilles heel is the weekday morning – it could be any time of the day or week for you. If you can let go of that mental image of what bedtime or family time should look like, you might be able to breathe a bit and enjoy the time you do have together, imperfect as it may be. I have friends who have not been on vacation in years because they are scared to travel with babies on a plane – they stress over every detail. Why not just pack and go and take things as they come? Doesn’t stressing out so much over the planning sort of ruin the point of a stress free “perfect” time? Why not just accept that here we are – with a busy, full life and so much to be grateful for – if the kid throws a tantrum at a hotel, it will not be the end of the world. The world will deal with it, and so should we.
4. Lists are your friend – My husband likes to joke about my lists – he finds them everywhere around the house. On little scraps of paper or at the back of notebooks, even scribbled in the margins of calendars. There are the grocery lists, packing lists and shopping lists. But besides that, I make lists for tasks I need to do , bills I need to pay, people I need to call – even a list of things I need to make lists for. The feeling of checking things off as they get done gives me satisfaction and a sense that I’ve achieved something. Going down the list gives me a feeling of control over my usually chaotic day. When the kids are lethargic in getting their tasks done (everyday!), I quickly write out a list of tasks they need to do and that seems to spur them right along. My four year old cannot read yet but she asks me to read out each task to her and then loves to check it off as soon as she is done. I recommend lists to everyone – for getting a grasp on everything happening, for making sure things get done and just for the vindication of checking of the first or last item on any list.
5. Cultivate your network – This piece of advice is more personal and depends on your personality. Having grown up in a very social environment, I’ve always been used to having people around our house. Luckily, my husband and I both like to entertain, so almost every other weekend, we have a family or two over for dinner. It sounds like more work to spend your free time planning dinner parties, but for us, it really energizes us to see friends and spend a relaxed evening with them. Since most of our friends have children of similar ages as ours, it is a good time for them as well and helps them to build their friendships. When we are in need, it is these friends we turn to – if I am running late for a school pick up, if I need an emergency play date or a weekend evening out, these are the people that step in. So while we don’t make friends with an eye to using them, it’s definitely a more fulfilling and pleasant life with an active social calendar.
Above all the tricks of the trade, the biggest to-do is to slow down, relax and enjoy the many opportunities and blessings you have. It came to me one day as I was rushing to work after having a crazed morning getting the kids ready and dropped off. My husband too, had an early meeting, so we were both running as soon as we woke. As I walked along the office parking lot, I was resentful and fuming as I pitied myself over all that I had to do. And then I realized how lucky I was to be in a job where I was needed and wanted, to have these kids and to have a husband who was busy in a job he enjoyed. Just walking along the parking lot, I suddenly feeling lighter and happier and so can you . All it needs is a little shift in perspective and some good old lists.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
A reasonable discussion - on Healthcare?
I found this video today on a political site I love and reference often, the DailyKos. I've been following the HealthCare debate and discussion and I don't profess to getting it all. More than the technicalities of any sort of plan, what has baffled me more is the objections that have surfaced along the way - I dont get how healthcare for all is a choice people would choose not to have and I dont understand the comparisons to Hitler. There is much more that I dont get but coming back to this video, I posted it here because of the way Sen Franken handles and turns around a hostle crowd through reasonable discussion and dialog. Its masterful to watch. What rankled me was this comment that one person in the audience made about McAllen which Sen Franken quotes as having high healthcare costs. "isn't that where the immigrants are?" the man in the audience says. Of course, I object to the insinuation that immigrants are responsible for all that is wrong, everywhere that it is wrong. Over the past few months, this disturbing trend of racism going overt rather than covert has made me cringe and think hard about my place in this nation.
Al Franken counters that by saying that McAllen has a similar demographic makeup as El Paso where healthcare costs are half what they are in McAllen. This whole discussion is based on an article written by Atul Gawande for the New Yorker. I read that artcle too and like anything written by Atul Gawande, it is an excellent piece - well researched and thoughtfully documented. Here is a link to the article
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/06/01/090601fa_fact_gawande
Off topic again - but I am a fan of Atul's writing and have enjoyed everything that he has written. His book Better is a great look at the healthcare system - its challenges and wins - in America and other place around the world. If you are looking for an intelligent, abosrbing read, get this book.
Finally, here is a less nuanced and more straightforward pitch for President Obama to address the issues and objections around healthcare - this is from Bill Moyer's journal
http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/09042009/watch3.html
Sometimes you have to call it like you see it - a crackpot is a crackpot - diplomacy be damned!!
Al Franken counters that by saying that McAllen has a similar demographic makeup as El Paso where healthcare costs are half what they are in McAllen. This whole discussion is based on an article written by Atul Gawande for the New Yorker. I read that artcle too and like anything written by Atul Gawande, it is an excellent piece - well researched and thoughtfully documented. Here is a link to the article
http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/06/01/090601fa_fact_gawande
Off topic again - but I am a fan of Atul's writing and have enjoyed everything that he has written. His book Better is a great look at the healthcare system - its challenges and wins - in America and other place around the world. If you are looking for an intelligent, abosrbing read, get this book.
Finally, here is a less nuanced and more straightforward pitch for President Obama to address the issues and objections around healthcare - this is from Bill Moyer's journal
http://www.pbs.org/moyers/journal/09042009/watch3.html
Sometimes you have to call it like you see it - a crackpot is a crackpot - diplomacy be damned!!
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Media Consumption
As a proponent of balance in all aspects of life, I was amused to read this article from Wired magazine about balancing out your media consumption. I turned up my nose at first - 9 hours a day of media consumption? What are you talking about - I dont watch that much TV or play that many games. Then I quickly came to my senses and realized the amount of time I spend on my computer - reading the news, microblogging (yes - Facebook & Twitter count). So, whatever your media diet - here's a quick read for balancing it out. Just one more food pyramid
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/magazine/17-08/by_media_diet
http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/magazine/17-08/by_media_diet
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